The Art of Starting a Real Conversation

We’ve all been there. You walk into a networking event, a conference, or a new coworking space, and the first person you meet extends a hand and asks, “What do you do?”

It’s the default question. It’s polite.

...And it’s a total conversation killer.

This single question reduces a person’s entire identity to their job title, creating a transactional exchange rather than a genuine human connection. But in an age of flexible work, where our professional and personal lives are more intertwined than ever, authentic connection is not just a "nice to have"—it's a professional superpower.

So, how do we move beyond the transactional and into the transformational? The secret is to shift your focus from whatsomeone does to why they do it.

The "Why" vs. The "What"

Instead of asking for a job title, try asking questions that reveal a person's passions, their struggles, or the problems they’re trying to solve. These questions create space for vulnerability and curiosity, which are the building blocks of a real connection.

• Instead of: “What do you do?”

• Try: “What’s the most interesting thing you’ve worked on recently?”
  

• Instead of: “What company are you with?” Try: “What’s a challenge you’re currently trying to solve in your work?”
  

• Instead of: “Are you in [your industry]?” Try: “What originally got you interested in this kind of work?”
  

Listen, Don't Wait to Talk Once you’ve asked a good question, the most important thing you can do is listen. Most people are so focused on what they’re going to say next that they miss the nuances of what the other person is saying. By truly listening, you can find threads of commonality—a shared passion for a certain industry, a similar challenge you’ve faced, or a mutual interest outside of work. This is where the magic happens.

From a Chat to a Connection A conversation doesn't need to be a long one to be meaningful. Sometimes, a quick, genuine exchange can be the start of a powerful professional relationship. The key is to be present, be curious, and be authentic. By moving beyond the default questions and showing a genuine interest in the person in front of you, you’ll not only build a better network but also make your own professional journey more rewarding.